Have you ever felt you had something important to say, but you stayed quiet?
Maybe in a meeting, an idea came to you, but you thought, “What if they laugh? What if I’m wrong?” Maybe you wanted to share your talent, but fear whispered, “You’re not ready. You’re not good enough.”
I know that feeling too well.
For years, I held back. I watched others raise their hands, speak up, and take the opportunities. Inside, I had ideas, stories, and lessons that could help—but I let silence win.
The truth is, many people are not afraid of failure. They are afraid of being seen.
The best way to build confidence is to share anyway. Confidence is not waiting until you feel ready. Confidence is choosing to serve with what you have today.
From Silence to Stage
My first big moment came when I was in third year high school.
I was standing in front of more than 3,000 students from different schools. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t even supposed to speak. The organizers just told me, “All you have to do is share your story.”
At first, I wanted to say no. Who was I to speak to thousands of students? My voice felt small. My heart was racing.
But I took a breath, stepped forward, and began.
I shared my story as best as I could—with no notes, no fancy speech, no preparation. Just honesty. And something surprising happened. People listened. Some smiled. Many nodded. I could feel the connection.
Afterwards, several students came up to me and said they were inspired. That moment changed me.
I realized that to speak is not just to fill time. To speak is an opportunity—to inspire, to educate, to change someone’s life.
Since then, I’ve carried that truth with me. Even today, after years of speaking, I still feel nervous before I step on stage. Especially when it’s a big event, with leaders and managers, and I’m being paid five figures to deliver. My hands still get cold. My heart still pounds.
Now I know that fear is not a signal to stop. It’s a signal that what I’m about to do matters.
Every time I speak, I remember that high school stage. I remember that the gift of sharing is not about me—it’s about the people I have the chance to serve.
The Truth About Confidence
People often ask me, “How can I be confident like you?”
I smile, because I know the truth: confidence is not something you wait for. It’s something you build.
You don’t wake up one morning and suddenly feel fearless. Confidence is the result of three simple things I call the 3Cs:
1. Commitment
Confidence begins with a promise—to yourself and to others. Not just “I want to look good on stage.” But, “I want to serve my customers, inspire my team, guide my students, or help my community.” When you commit to a purpose bigger than yourself, fear becomes smaller.
2. Courage
Once you’re clear about your purpose, you still need to move. Courage is taking the first step, then the second, then the third—even when your knees shake. I became more confident not because fear disappeared, but because I chose to act while afraid. Every stage, every talk, every conversation was one more step forward.
3. Competence
This is where growth happens. Confidence grows as you sharpen your skills. Learn how to organize your content, tell stories, connect with people, and deliver with impact. The more you practice, the more you realize: “I can do this.”
In my own journey, confidence came when I shifted how I thought about public speaking.
I used to think the audience was there to judge me. That every mistake would make me look small. But then I realized: they were not there to measure me. They were there because I had something worth sharing.
That simple change changed everything.
Now, I don’t just step on a stage—I create my stage. A stage is not only a platform with lights and microphones. A stage is any space where you share your gift to serve others.
If you commit to a bigger purpose, if you take the first small step with courage, and if you build your competence along the way, you will grow confident too.
Why Sharing Matters
Your gift is not meant to stay hidden.
When you keep your ideas, your skills, or your stories to yourself, the world loses something. The people around you—your colleagues, your customers, your students, even your community—miss out on the help only you can give.
I’ve seen this many times. In workshops, there’s always someone who stays quiet at first. They listen, they observe, but they hold back. Then, when I finally invite them to speak, they share something so sharp and so valuable that the entire group learns. And I always think, “What if they never spoke? What if they stayed silent?”
That’s what happens when we hide our gifts. Others are left searching for something we already carry.
In Filipino culture, we have a word for this: malasakit. It means caring enough to step forward. Sharing is a form of malasakit. It is not about showing off—it’s about showing up for others.
When I speak, I remind myself: “This is not about me. This is about the people who came to listen.” Even when I feel nervous, I know that my voice might give someone clarity, courage, or hope.
Your gift doesn’t have to be big to make a difference. A story you tell can spark someone’s new direction. A piece of advice can save a team from failure. A kind word can restore someone’s confidence.
Your voice could be the missing piece that helps someone else move forward.
So why share? Because someone is waiting.
The 3Cs of Sharing
Earlier, I told you that confidence is built on three things—Commitment, Courage, and Competence. Let me expand on this, because I’ve seen it work not just for me, but for the many leaders, managers, and supervisors I’ve coached.
At the heart of it all is clarity. Without clarity, commitment is shallow. But once people see clearly what they want to make happen—and who they want to serve—they can make relentless commitment.
Let me show you how.
1. Commitment: The Power of a Clear Promise
I once worked with Marites, a supervisor in a manufacturing company. She told me, “Sir Jef, I’m not confident leading meetings. I always feel I’m wasting everyone’s time.”
When we dug deeper, we discovered her real challenge wasn’t lack of skill—it was lack of clarity. She didn’t know what outcome she wanted from each meeting. So she would talk around issues, waiting for others to decide.
Once she got clear, everything shifted. Together, we reframed her meetings into promises: “By the end of this meeting, here’s what we will decide.” That single shift gave her the confidence to commit.
Her people noticed. Instead of rambling, she was focused. Instead of hesitating, she was decisive. Commitment gave her presence.
2. Courage: Moving Even While Afraid
Then there’s Joel, a young manager in a service company. He admitted, “I’m afraid to give feedback. What if my staff gets offended? What if they push back?”
I told him, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the choice to move despite it.”
We practiced one step at a time. Instead of correcting everything, he chose one behavior to address. He called his staff privately, spoke with respect, and shared what he wanted to see improved.
Was he still afraid? Yes. His hands shook the first time. But after the conversation, his staff actually thanked him. They said no one had explained things so clearly before.
That day, Joel discovered that courage grows with every step you take.
3. Competence: Confidence Through Practice
Finally, there’s Liza, a department head. Her struggle was public presentations. She said, “Every time I present, I feel small. My slides are messy. My thoughts go in circles.”
We worked on her competence. I showed her how to structure her content into three key points. We practiced storytelling. We rehearsed delivery.
The first time she presented with her new skills, she nailed it. Her boss told her, “That’s the clearest I’ve heard you.” That moment gave her not just confidence, but a reputation.
Competence gave her the solid ground to stand on.
When I look back at these stories, I see the same pattern again and again.
- Marites found clarity, which gave her commitment.
- Joel discovered courage, which grew with every step.
- Liza built competence, which turned fear into skill.
And that’s why I say: confidence is never magic. It’s the result of the 3Cs, practiced in real life.
The question is not, “How do I feel confident?” The better question is, “What am I committed to, what step will I take with courage, and what skills do I need to build?”
Because once you work on those three, confidence follows.
First Steps: Your Confidence Reps
Most people wait until they feel confident before they act. The problem is, confidence doesn’t come first. Action does.
Think of it like exercise. You don’t become strong by watching other people at the gym. You build strength by lifting, step by step, until your muscles grow. Confidence works the same way. You build it through small, repeated moves—what I call confidence reps.
Here’s how you can begin this week:
- Name one gift you’ve been holding back.
- Maybe it’s your ability to explain things clearly.
- Maybe it’s your talent for motivating others.
- Maybe it’s your skill in solving tough problems. Write it down. Give it a name.
- Share it with one person you trust. Don’t wait for a big stage or a big audience. Start small. Share your insight in a team meeting. Teach one colleague how to do something better. Encourage one friend who needs it.
- Reflect on what happened. After you share, ask yourself:
- How did it feel?
- What changed in them?
- What changed in me?
- Repeat the rep. Do it again tomorrow. Share another small piece of your gift. Each time you do, you’re not just giving—you’re also growing.
These steps may look simple, but don’t underestimate them. Every time you share, you create momentum. And momentum is what builds real confidence.
Remember: you don’t need to wait for a grand moment to share your gift. Confidence grows one rep at a time, until speaking up and stepping forward becomes part of who you are.
Common Questions About Confidence and Speaking
1. What if I feel I’m not good enough to share my gift? You don’t need to be perfect to begin. Everyone starts somewhere. Remember: people don’t need you to be flawless, they need you to be real. Share one small thing. That first step is enough to start growing your confidence.
2. What if others reject my gift? Not everyone will understand or appreciate what you share. That’s normal. But even if one person benefits, you’ve made a difference. Focus on the ones who listen and move forward because of you.
3. What if I fail when I speak or present? Failure is not the opposite of confidence—it’s part of the process. Every speaker has moments of stumbling. I still get nervous. But each “failure” is a practice rep that makes you clearer, stronger, and more prepared for the next stage.
4. Do you teach people individually? I don’t do one-on-one coaching anymore. These days, I focus on teaching groups—leaders, managers, teams—through workshops and keynotes. But I’m also preparing something new called Speaking Circles. These will be small group experiences where people can practice speaking, learn together, and grow their confidence in a safe environment.
5. How can I learn more if I want to become a better speaker? You can start by exploring my articles on jefmenguin.com. I also have books that you can buy—written to help you grow as a speaker and a leader. And soon, when the Speaking Circles open, you’ll have the chance to practice with others who want to grow like you.
Raising the Stakes
Let’s be honest: keeping your gifts to yourself feels safe. You don’t risk embarrassment. You don’t risk rejection. But safety also has a cost.
When you don’t share your gift, three things happen:
- Opportunities are lost. I’ve met professionals who stayed quiet in meetings for years. They had brilliant ideas, but because they never spoke up, others got promoted while they stayed in the same place.
- Teams stay stuck. A supervisor once told me, “I don’t want to look bossy, so I don’t speak much during discussions.” The result? Her team kept repeating mistakes because no one was guiding them. When she finally shared her insights, the team moved faster and trusted her more.
- Dreams die quietly. Many people carry a message, a story, or a skill that could inspire others. But by keeping it locked inside, that gift fades. They grow older, looking back with regret at what they could have done.
But here’s the other side: when you do share, everything shifts.
- You multiply impact. One story can change how someone leads. One insight can save a project. One speech can move hundreds to action.
- You inspire others. Courage is contagious. When you step forward, others realize they can too.
- You live with alignment. You stop pretending and start living as the person you were meant to be.
Unused gifts become heavy burdens. They weigh you down. They remind you of what you could have done but didn’t.
Sharing, on the other hand, feels lighter. It lifts you—and the people around you.
So the choice is clear: either keep your gift hidden and carry the weight of regret, or share it and see how far it can go.
My Invitation to You
I go back to that high school stage often in my memory. Third year, unprepared, facing more than 3,000 students. I was afraid, but I spoke anyway. And lives were touched—not because I was perfect, but because I was willing to share.
That moment became my reminder: every stage is a chance to serve.
Today, I still feel nervous before a big talk. My hands still get cold before I step on stage. But I know this: fear is not the signal to stop. It’s the signal that what I am about to do matters.
And now, I want to invite you into the same shift.
You don’t have to wait until you feel ready. You don’t have to compare yourself to others. You don’t have to be flawless.
What you need is to commit to your purpose, take one small step of courage, and keep building your competence. Do that, and confidence will grow.
So here’s my challenge for you:
👉 This week, choose one gift you’ve been hiding—and share it. It can be an idea in a meeting. A piece of advice for a friend. A story from your own experience.
Share it not to impress, but to inspire. Share it not to prove yourself, but to serve.
Because your voice might be the spark someone else has been waiting for.
The Shift That Lasts
Confidence is not a gift some people are born with. It’s something you build—one choice at a time.
It begins with Commitment: a promise to serve a purpose bigger than yourself. It grows with Courage: the steps you take even while afraid. It becomes real through Competence: the skills you develop by practicing, learning, and showing up again and again.
When you put these three together, something shifts inside you. You stop waiting for the right moment. You create the moment. You stop fearing the stage. You build the stage.
I have seen this shift in myself, in the managers and supervisors I’ve coached, and in countless people who dared to share their gifts.
Now it’s your turn.
Don’t wait for confidence to come before you share. Share—and confidence will follow.
Because in the end, confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being faithful to the gift you’ve been given.
And here’s the line I want you to carry with you: 👉 “Confidence isn’t what you wait for—it’s what you build, one shared gift at a time.”
