I’ve always been confident on stage.
As a teacher, I could walk into a room, speak for an hour, make people listen, make them laugh, make them think. I didn’t need to convince myself. I just did the work, and the room followed.
Then I entered professional speaking—and I felt like a noob again.
Not because I forgot how to speak. But because I started measuring my worth using the wrong scoreboard. Sell Your Confidence
This isn’t a speaking problem
This happens when you get promoted.
When you shift industries. When you lead people who used to be your peers. When you sit in a room where everyone looks like they know the game—and you feel like you don’t.
Your skills didn’t vanish.
Your story did.
When the room turns into an interview
Client presentations feel different. You don’t just present. You get assessed.
They ask questions that sound like you’re applying for a job: “How many paid talks have you done?” “Who are your clients?” “Can you show proof?” “Why should we trust you?” They’re polite, but they’re serious.
So your body reacts. Your chest tightens. Your voice turns careful. You start explaining too much, too fast—like you’re trying to earn your seat at the table.
But, they’re not trying to reject you. They’re trying to reduce risk.
They’re asking, “Can you help us?”
The confidence trap: “I’m starting from zero”
This is where I messed up.
I treated paid speaking experience as the only real experience. So when I couldn’t point to a long list of corporate clients yet, I acted like I was beginning from zero.
Which is wild, because I had more than 1,000 hours of speaking—unpaid, yes, but real. I taught. I trained. I facilitated. I stood in front of people and learned what works.
I wasn’t starting from zero. I was miles ahead.
Still, mindset can erase progress. If you believe you’re behind, you will sound behind—even when you’re ready.
Two people. Same moment. Different direction.
Let me show you what confidence does to a career.
Nina pitched to lead a project in a Monday meeting. Her boss said, “We’ll think about it.” She heard, You’re not ready. By Wednesday, she stopped raising her hand. She stayed useful, stayed quiet, stayed safe. Weeks passed. Then months. She became “reliable,” but invisible.
Marco pitched too. Same meeting energy. Same answer. Same sting.
But on Friday, he sent a one-page plan with one small test and a deadline. He didn’t beg for trust. He offered movement. The following week, people started asking him, “What do you recommend?” Not because he never failed, but because he kept showing up with direction.
Confidence doesn’t separate winners from losers.
Confidence separates stoppers from continuers.
What people actually buy
Most professionals think people buy credentials.
They don’t.
People buy confidence—the grounded kind. The kind that says, “I understand your problem. I can help you move.” Not bravado. Not volume. Just steadiness.
That’s why clients don’t buy the topic. They buy the person carrying the topic.
And your boss and co-workers do the same. They lean toward people who carry direction, not just effort.
The moment I almost performed my way into failure
One client call still sticks with me.
Questions came fast. “How long have you been doing this professionally?” “What companies have you handled?” “What proof can you show?” I answered, but I could feel myself shrinking. I stretched my replies. I tried to sound impressive. I tried to sound… hireable.
After the call, I stared at my screen and felt that heavy thought: You’re starting from zero.
So I grabbed a notebook, wrote What counts?, and listed everything I refused to count: hours on stage, years of teaching, rooms I’ve led, problems I’ve solved, people I’ve helped.
That list didn’t inflate my ego. It corrected my lens.
But later, I realized something deeper: the real fix wasn’t just counting proof.
It was changing what I thought the call was for.
The Proof List Tool
Use this when you feel small before a meeting, a pitch, a performance review, or a tough conversation.
THE PROOF LIST (3 minutes)
Wrong Scoreboard
- What am I obsessing over that makes me feel behind? (paid gigs, titles, big brands, “years in role”)
Real Proof
- Hours and reps I’ve already done
- Problems I’ve solved
- Results I’ve produced
- People I’ve helped
- Lessons I earned the hard way
Then write one bridge sentence:
“I may be new in this arena, but I’m not new to the work.”
That’s how you stop acting like you’re starting from zero.
Now comes the part that made confidence feel lighter for me.
The secret: sell without selling
I learned this from Vic Santiago: stop answering their questions like you’re defending yourself.
Reframe their questions so your answers connect to what they really need. You’re not in front of them to prove you’re worthy. You’re in front of them because they expect someone to help.
So instead of “selling yourself,” you start leading the conversation toward clarity.
And the weird part is—your confidence comes back the moment you stop trying to be impressive.
You stop performing.
You start listening.
A live flip scene (and the moment the energy changed)
In one meeting, a client asked, “How many paid talks have you done?”
I felt the familiar heat rise in my chest. My brain wanted to sprint. My mouth wanted to defend.
So I paused. Just a beat.
Then I said, “Before I answer, can I ask—what outcome are you aiming for after this session? What should change in your people?”
They leaned back. Their tone softened.
They started describing their real problem: a team that hesitates, leaders who avoid tough conversations, managers who over-explain instead of decide.
After that, my “lack of paid speaking history” didn’t matter as much.
Because now the conversation wasn’t about my resume. It was about their pain.
That’s when my work experience became louder than my stage experience.
Why your work experience often matters more than your speaking experience
When you lead with listening, you discover what they actually need.
Sometimes they don’t need a perfect keynote.
They need a person who understands messy work.
A person who knows what it feels like to manage misalignment, push a change, deal with resistance, simplify a process, recover trust after a mistake.
In my case, the moments that mattered weren’t my best punchlines on stage.
It was my problem-solving. It was how I helped teams move from confusion to clarity.
A confident speaker focuses on the audience, not on himself.
The Question Flip Tool
If the Proof List restores your identity, this tool restores your presence.
When they ask a “prove yourself” question, flip it into a “help them” question.
THE QUESTION FLIP (use in real time)
They ask: “How many paid talks have you done?” You say: “Before I answer, what outcome are you aiming for after this session?”
They ask: “Who are your clients?” You say: “What’s happening right now that made you look for someone like me?”
They ask: “Why should we trust you?” You say: “What would trust look like for you here—speed, clarity, results, behavior change?”
Then you answer—not with a resume—but with relevance.
That’s selling without selling.
Name the method so you can teach it
Here’s the combined move, simple enough to remember:
Proof then Flip.
First, you ground yourself in what counts.
Then, you guide the conversation toward what they need.
That’s confidence you can repeat.
Confidence has three roots
Confidence doesn’t just happen. You grow it.
It comes from three sources:
Commitment — you decide, “This is my path.” You don’t quit after one awkward meeting.
Courage — you show up while still feeling exposed. You ask. You pitch. You speak anyway.
Competence — you build proof through reps, reflection, and better systems.
Listening upgrades competence fast, because you stop throwing generic answers and start solving the real problem.
Save this: Confidence killers and replacements
These phrases sound “polite,” but they sell doubt.
Stop saying this → Say this instead
- “Just sharing…” → “Here’s what I’m seeing…”
- “Not sure if this is right…” → “Here’s my recommendation…”
- “Sorry, but…” → “Let’s clarify the goal first…”
- “I’m not an expert, but…” → “Based on my experience, here’s what works…”
- “This might be a dumb question…” → “I need one thing clarified…”
You don’t need to sound perfect.
You need to sound clear—and interested in them.
One behavior that makes confidence visible
Here’s the habit I now trust more than any speaking technique:
Don’t answer fast. Clarify first.
Use this 3-step loop:
- Clarify the outcome — “What do you want to happen after this?”
- Name the challenge — “What’s making that hard right now?”
- Offer a next step — “Here’s what I recommend, and here’s what I’ll do by when.”
This is confidence you can feel in the room.
Because it’s not performance.
It’s leadership.
Copy-paste scripts for boss, peers, and clients
Use these as-is. Adjust the details, keep the structure.
To your boss (update + direction): “Here’s what I’m seeing: the team keeps getting stuck at Step 2. Before we push harder, what outcome matters most—speed, quality, or fewer errors? Based on that, I recommend we simplify into one owner + one checklist. I’ll draft it today and test it tomorrow.”
To a co-worker (collaboration, not confusion): “Quick check—what does ‘good’ look like for you on this task? Based on that, I recommend we pick Option B to reduce rework. If you’re good, I’ll send the first draft by 3 PM.”
To a client (selling without selling): “Before I talk about my background, can I ask what’s driving this need right now? What would a win look like after the session? If I understand that, I can tell you the most relevant experiences I can bring.”
Notice the pattern.
You don’t shrink.
You lead.
Your 24-hour challenge
In the next 24 hours, do two small things.
First, write your Proof List. Three minutes. No drama. Just truth.
Second, in your next high-pressure conversation, use one Question Flip before you answer anything.
Don’t rush to prove.
Slow down to understand.
Stop proving. Start helping.
If your team is stuck in meetings, misalignment, or slow decisions…
Let’s design one shift they can use immediately.
→ Shift Experiences
