Every interaction we have is an opportunity to build trust, forge relationships, and demonstrate respect. By consciously working on our ability to pay attention, we are not only enhancing our interpersonal skills but also creating an atmosphere of civility and mutual respect.
Whether it’s in the boardroom or the breakroom, paying attention ensures everyone feels valued. In this guide, we will unveil ten ways to cultivate this skill, deepening connections with those around us.
Develop the ability to pay attention.
Attention is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger it becomes. In our age of constant digital distractions, our attention spans are under siege. By learning and practicing different techniques to hone our attention, we can better navigate our professional and personal lives, ensuring that our interactions are genuine and meaningful.
But why is it crucial to know multiple ways?
Just as one exercise routine doesn’t fit all, a single method of paying attention may not resonate with everyone. By exploring various strategies, we can find what truly works for us, tailoring our approach based on the situation and the people involved. Each method provides a unique lens through which we can view and experience interactions, enriching our relationships and enhancing our communication.
With a toolkit of attention-boosting practices, leaders can better engage their teams, foster innovation, and create a workplace culture where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
1. Listen Actively
Engage in every conversation with your full attention. Make eye contact, nod when appropriate, and refrain from formulating a response while the other person is still speaking.
Active listening shows that the speaker’s thoughts and feelings matter to you.
It fosters trust and understanding. It paves the way for genuine and productive communication.
Since most people focus on themselves, those who listen actively stand out. Let’s give an example.
Juan, a manager in Metro Manila, found himself in a typical team meeting. As one of his team members, Maria, shared her thoughts, Juan was halfway through an email response. Sensing his distraction, Maria hesitated, “Sir Juan, I just wanted to share these insights, but if this isn’t a good time…”
Juan looked up, realizing his mistake, “I’m sorry, Maria. You’re right. This is important. Let me give you my full attention.” After committing to active listening, Juan noticed not only the improved quality of discussions but also the increased trust and camaraderie among his team.
- Before a conversation begins, set aside all distractions. Put your phone on silent, close irrelevant computer tabs, and opt for a quiet, conducive space.
- Stay present with the speaker. Whenever you find your thoughts drifting, consciously redirect your focus back to the ongoing discussion.
- If something is unclear, don’t hesitate to ask. Clarifying questions signal your genuine interest and desire to understand the speaker’s perspective fully.
Make a difference in your next interaction. Dedicate yourself to active listening and witness the transformative power of genuine attention.
2. Empathize with Others
Delve deep into the essence of understanding by putting yourself in another’s shoes. This means not just hearing their words, but feeling their emotions, and grasping their perspective.
Empathy is more than a mere act of understanding; it’s an emotional bridge that connects individuals. When we empathize, we go beyond surface-level interactions and touch the very core of human connection. By genuinely feeling with another person, we validate their experiences and make them feel seen and valued.
This is the essence of malasakit.
Liza, an HR specialist in Makati, was in her office when Raffy, a visibly upset employee, walked in. “Liza, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with my current workload,” he expressed. Instead of jumping to solutions, Liza took a moment, “Raffy, I can see this is really weighing on you. Tell me more about what you’re going through.” As Raffy spoke, Liza listened, feeling his stress and concern.
By the end of their conversation, Raffy sighed, “Thank you, Liza. Just talking to you and feeling understood has lightened my burden.”
- Always approach conversations with an open mind. Remove any preconceived judgments or biases.
- Truly listen to emotions, not just words. Sometimes, what’s left unsaid speaks volumes.
- Reflect back what you’ve understood. This not only clarifies the conversation but also assures the speaker that they’ve been truly heard.
The next time someone shares with you, go beyond just listening. Feel with them, understand them, and let empathy be your guiding light.
3. Avoid Interrupting
When in conversation, give others the courtesy of expressing their thoughts fully. This means patiently waiting your turn, resisting the urge to jump in, and letting them complete their point before you respond.
Interrupting can unintentionally convey impatience or a lack of respect. Conversely, by letting others speak without interruption, you demonstrate that you value their input and perspective. This fosters an environment where all voices feel worthy of being heard, leading to richer and more collaborative discussions.
Carlo, a sales executive in Quezon City, was meeting with a potential client, Mrs. Santos. As she began detailing her needs, Carlo, eager to close the deal, interjected with a solution. Mrs. Santos raised an eyebrow, “Mr. Carlo, if you’d let me finish…” Chastised, Carlo nodded, “My apologies, Mrs. Santos. Please continue.” He later realized that by waiting and truly hearing her out, he could offer a more tailored and effective solution, impressing Mrs. Santos.
- Cultivate the habit of active listening. Focus on understanding first, then formulating a response.
- If you have an urge to interject, make a mental or physical note and wait for a natural pause in the conversation.
- Remember, patience in conversation often leads to deeper insights and better outcomes.
In your next dialogue, challenge yourself to remain patient. Let others have the floor, and discover the depth of understanding that comes from truly listening without interrupting.
4. Practice Patience
In the rhythm of conversation, it’s essential to navigate with patience. This entails waiting calmly, even when someone takes time to express themselves or if the discussion doesn’t progress as swiftly as you’d like.
Patience is a silent communicator of respect. It signals to others that you’re there with them, in that moment, regardless of the time it takes. In the fast-paced world of quick fixes and rapid responses, displaying patience can be a refreshing change, offering others the comfort to share at their pace.
Ana, a project manager in Pasig, was conducting a brainstorming session.
As ideas flowed, Rafael, a typically quiet team member, hesitated, “I have… well, an idea, but it’s a bit different.”
Instead of urging him to hurry, Ana smiled encouragingly, “Take your time, Rafael. We’re all ears.”
With that reassurance, Rafael detailed a novel approach that became the project’s game-changer.
- Remind yourself that everyone has a unique pace of articulating thoughts. Celebrate this diversity in communication.
- If you feel restless, take deep breaths to center yourself in the conversation.
- Offer verbal affirmations like “I’m listening” or “Take your time” to reassure the speaker.
Embrace the virtue of patience in your next interaction. Allow conversations to unfold organically, and witness the depth and richness that emerges from unhurried discussions.
5. Offer Genuine Compliments
Extend genuine praise and recognition when warranted. This means acknowledging the efforts, ideas, or qualities of others without any ulterior motives, just pure appreciation.
Offering sincere compliments fosters positivity and can be a motivating force. Recognizing and valuing the contributions of others not only boosts their confidence but also nurtures an atmosphere of mutual respect and collaboration.
Miguel, an IT lead in Mandaluyong, was reviewing a project when he noticed the exceptional work of a new team member, Leah.
During the team meeting, he remarked, “I want to highlight Leah’s innovative approach on this project. It was truly impressive.”
Leah, surprised and pleased, responded, “Thank you, Sir Miguel. I’m glad my efforts contributed positively.”
The recognition not only boosted Leah’s morale but also inspired others to step up their game.
- Be specific in your compliments. Instead of just saying “Good job,” pinpoint what was particularly impressive.
- Ensure your praise is sincere. People can distinguish between genuine appreciation and empty flattery.
- Incorporate regular recognition in team meetings or one-on-one sessions. It fosters a culture of appreciation.
Take a moment today to genuinely appreciate someone around you. Recognize their efforts or qualities, and feel the ripple effect of positivity it brings.
6. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Initiate conversations that encourage comprehensive responses. This means posing questions that go beyond a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, inviting others to share more in-depth insights, feelings, or thoughts.
Open-ended questions serve as doorways to deeper understanding and richer dialogues. They signal to the speaker that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to share, creating an environment where individuals feel encouraged to express themselves more fully.
Rica, a consultant in Manila, was meeting with a client to understand their challenges.
Instead of asking, “Are you satisfied with your current system?”, she inquired, “Can you describe the challenges you’re facing with your current system?”
The client, Mr. Reyes, opened up, “Well, Rica, it’s not just about satisfaction. There are several layers of issues we’re grappling with…”
The conversation unveiled critical insights that Rica wouldn’t have accessed with a close-ended question.
- Begin questions with “how”, “why”, or “what” to encourage detailed responses.
- Listen actively as they respond, indicating your genuine interest.
- Follow up with further open-ended questions based on their replies, fostering a flowing conversation.
Transform your conversations by integrating open-ended questions. Dive deeper, understand better, and connect more meaningfully with those around you.
7. Be Mindful of Body Language
Recognize the power of non-verbal cues in communication. This means being conscious of your gestures, posture, and facial expressions, ensuring they align with and reinforce the message you’re conveying.
Body language often speaks louder than words. Positive non-verbal signals can enhance trust, convey respect, and promote openness in conversations. Conversely, misaligned body language can send mixed signals, confusing or even negating the words spoken.
Paolo, a bank executive in BGC, was in a crucial negotiation. While he verbally communicated openness, his crossed arms and lack of eye contact suggested otherwise.
The client, Mrs. Garcia, finally said, “Mr. Paolo, you say you’re open to our proposal, but your body language seems to indicate the opposite.”
Realizing his oversight, Paolo adjusted his posture, leaning forward slightly and maintaining eye contact, “My apologies, Mrs. Garcia. Let’s continue.”
This shift not only enhanced the rapport but also paved the way for a successful negotiation.
- Maintain an open posture: avoid crossing arms or legs, which can seem defensive.
- Eye contact is crucial. It indicates interest and engagement.
- Observe others’ body language too. It can provide valuable insights into their thoughts and feelings.
During your next interaction, be as mindful of your body language as your words. Witness how this alignment enhances trust and understanding in your conversations.
8. Seek Feedback Regularly
Embrace the habit of routinely asking for feedback on your interactions and communication style. This means actively inviting opinions and perspectives about your conversational methods, and genuinely being open to adjustments.
Regular feedback is a compass for growth. By understanding how others perceive our communication, we can identify areas of improvement, adjust our approach, and navigate conversations more effectively. It demonstrates humility and a genuine desire to enhance mutual understanding.
Dianne, a marketing lead in Ortigas, after wrapping up a presentation to her team, asked, “How do you all feel about the points I’ve presented? And how can I communicate more clearly in the future?”
Mark, a team member, hesitated and then offered, “The content was great, Dianne. Maybe we could have more visual aids next time? It might help break down complex points.”
Grateful, Dianne responded, “Thank you, Mark. I appreciate that insight and will certainly integrate it next time.”
- Encourage an atmosphere where feedback is welcomed and not feared.
- Take feedback constructively. Avoid becoming defensive, and view it as an opportunity to learn.
- Offer feedback to others too, but always ensure it’s constructive and delivered with kindness.
Invite feedback in your next meeting or interaction. See it as a map guiding you towards better and more effective communication.
9. Reduce Distractions
Prioritize the person or group you’re communicating with by minimizing interruptions and distractions. This means creating an environment conducive for conversation, be it by putting away phones, closing unrelated computer tabs, or choosing a quiet space.
Reducing distractions is a sign of respect. It signals to the other party that they are a priority and that you are fully present in the interaction. In today’s digital age, where distractions are omnipresent, such a gesture stands out, strengthening the bonds of communication.
Renzo, an architect in Pasay, was in a crucial client meeting. His phone kept buzzing with notifications, drawing his attention away multiple times.
The client, noticing the disruptions, commented, “Mr. Renzo, it seems like you have a lot going on. Should we reschedule?”
Embarrassed, Renzo replied, “I apologize for that lapse. Let me turn this off.” After eliminating the distraction, the meeting progressed smoothly, with the client appreciating Renzo’s undivided attention.
- Start by silencing or switching off unnecessary gadgets before any interaction.
- If in a noisy environment, suggest moving to a quieter place for better communication.
- Train your mind to focus on the present conversation, gently guiding it back if it wanders.
Pledge to be distraction-free in your next interaction. Recognize the immense value of genuine presence, both for you and the person you’re communicating with.
10. Apologize When Necessary
When you realize you’ve made a mistake or misstepped in communication, don’t hesitate to apologize sincerely. This means acknowledging your error, expressing genuine remorse, and, if possible, suggesting a way to amend the situation.
Offering a heartfelt apology is a powerful act of civility. It demonstrates accountability, humility, and a commitment to maintaining trust. In relationships and interactions, it’s not about never making mistakes, but about how we address them that truly counts.
Bella, a designer in Marikina, had overlooked a crucial email from a colleague, which delayed their project.
Upon realization, she approached her teammate, “Jasmine, I’m truly sorry for missing that email and causing the delay.
It was my oversight. How can we work together to get back on track?”
Jasmine, appreciating Bella’s candidness, responded, “Thank you for acknowledging it, Bella. Let’s discuss how to catch up.”
- Ensure your apology is devoid of excuses. Own up to the mistake genuinely.
- Listen to the other party’s feelings and feedback after you apologize. It helps in mutual understanding.
- Learn from the mistake. An apology is most meaningful when accompanied by efforts to avoid repeating the error.
The next time you stumble in communication, don’t let pride stand in the way. Step forward with a sincere apology and witness the strength and resilience it brings to relationships.
Give people the attention they deserve.
Paying attention and practicing civility make you a good leader. These aren’t mere tactics or strategies; they’re foundational principles that transform our interactions from mundane exchanges into meaningful connections.
Whether it’s through active listening, showing empathy, or simply offering a genuine apology, each act weaves a stronger fabric of trust, respect, and understanding.
As leaders and as individuals, embracing these practices doesn’t just elevate our communication—it elevates us. It shapes a world where conversations matter, where every individual feels seen and valued, and where collaboration thrives on mutual respect.
As we journey forward, let’s keep these ten ways close to our hearts, using them as compasses to navigate the vast seas of interpersonal relationships. Here’s to richer, deeper, and more impactful conversations ahead.
Explore More on Civility at Work
The journey to fostering civility in the workplace doesn’t end here. In fact, it’s a continuous process, an evolving narrative that adapts and grows with every interaction. As we’ve delved into the importance of paying attention, it’s evident that this is just one facet of the multifaceted gem that is civility.
If you’re looking to delve deeper and explore a holistic approach to promoting civility at work, especially tailored for government employees, we have a solution for you. Through Strategic Learning Consultants, we’ve designed specialized modules that not only highlight the significance of paying attention but also introduce a plethora of other practices to cultivate a respectful, harmonious, and effective workplace.
Harnessing years of experience and a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by government employees, these modules are crafted to empower, enlighten, and transform. Let’s collaborate to build workspaces where respect is the norm, understanding is the culture, and civility is the underpinning foundation.
Ready to take the next step in your civility journey?
Join us at Strategic Learning Consultants, and let’s co-create a future where every government employee thrives in a culture of mutual respect and understanding. Reach out today, and let’s pave the way for a more civil and cohesive workplace.
Some More Words About Attention
Attention is where you fix your mind, time, and energy. It is a valuable property, and the world wants to take it from you. You may not realize it, but the world competes for your attention.
And whoever can capture your attention may influence, if not control, your life.
Netflix wants your attention. Facebook wants your attention. Your boss, your family, and your friends demand your attention. Companies design their products and services to capture your attention.
The world can come up with thousand schemes to entice and manipulate you. Whoever can control your attention will control your time, energy, and money. Whoever can control your attention can influence your life.
When I write, I. do my best to get your attention. I want every word you read now to be valuable. Writing this piece is a choice.
I would like to gain your trust. You may become a friend, if not a customer, one day.
Allow me to give this powerful advice to you now.
Pay attention to your passion and dreams. Pay attention to your family. Pay attention to your business and vocation.
Pay attention to your intention.
Ensure you invest more time thinking and acting on things that matter most. Be proactive. Do not do anything that will veer you away from your intention.
Most people fail to notice this, but procrastination is the inability to say no to many things. The procrastination cure is mindfulness. You know that you have a dozen things to do, many of them easy and desirable, but you will still choose to do the most important.
Paying attention to your intention takes a lot of work. But you’ve got to do the work if you want to live your life on your terms.
