Yesterday, I wrote about how public speaking turned my life around. This morning, I asked myself, what else can I share that could help someone who is still afraid, hesitant, or unsure about speaking in front of others?
The answer brought me back to one unforgettable reminder from my mentor Vic:
“Speaking is a performance, yes. But it’s not about performing on the stage. Anywhere you stand is your stage. Public speaking is a celebration of gift-giving.”
That line struck me because it echoed something I had already learned as a boy selling goods on the streets.
From Selling Goods to Serving People
When I was young, I sold newspapers, spices, dried fish, and whatever else could help put food on the table. I didn’t think of it as a noble act—I just wanted to survive, to help my family, to make sure there was rice at home.
But looking back, I realize that selling wasn’t just about money. It was service. People didn’t have to go all the way to the market because I was bringing what they needed to their doorstep.
I didn’t use the word “gift” then, but that’s what it was: I had something valuable, and I gave it.
That same mindset, I later realized, could transform the way I approached speaking.
Trying to Be a World Champion
In 2006, I joined Toastmasters. I was excited, hungry, and eager to prove myself. Like many beginners, I thought the best way to succeed was to imitate the best. So, I copied the style of World Champions of Public Speaking.
If you’ve ever watched those contests, you know the formula: big gestures, dramatic pauses, carefully rehearsed vocal variety. It looks impressive. But to me, it felt heavy. Forced. Like I was performing, not connecting.
I began to wonder: Is this really the only way to be good?
Rediscovering the Gift
That’s when Vic reminded me of something I had forgotten. Public speaking wasn’t about putting on a show. It was about giving.
The moment I understood this, I stopped obsessing over applause and perfect technique. I started asking: What do I have that my audience needs today?
It could be an insight. It could be encouragement. Sometimes, even my mess—the struggles, the failures—could become a message, if it helped someone else.
That shift freed me. I wasn’t performing anymore. I was giving.
The Twelve Gifts of Public Speaking
Over the years, I’ve come to see that the best communicators in the world all carry this same mindset. They treat every talk as an act of generosity. They show up not just to impress but to give.
Here are twelve gifts that capture the essence of what speaking can truly be.
1. The Gift of an Unforgettable Experience
The value of a speech isn’t in its length. It’s in the experience it creates.
Have you ever listened to someone and thought, Wow, that felt like five minutes, only to realize you’ve been sitting for an hour? That’s the gift of experience.
Great communicators know how to pull you into a journey so engaging that time feels suspended. It’s like bingeing a Netflix series—you don’t want it to end.
That’s generosity. Because instead of pushing information, you’re giving your audience a moment they’ll remember, a story they’ll carry, an experience that lingers.
2. The Gift of Inclusion and Intimacy
Most speakers push out information. They create distance. They stand on a stage, literally elevated, and speak at the audience.
But world-class communicators do the opposite. They pull people in. They close the gap until it feels like a one-on-one conversation—even if there are 20,000 people in the room.
I’ve experienced this myself. I’ve spoken to large groups, but when I shifted into seeing my talk as a gift, I noticed something change. People leaned forward. They weren’t just hearing me—they felt like I was talking to them.
That intimacy is a rare gift. It makes each listener feel recognized and included, not lost in the crowd.
3. The Gift of Authentic Self
For years, I tried to sound like someone else. But people don’t want a copy of the World Champion of Public Speaking. They want the real Jef.
Authenticity is one of the highest values in communication. When you show up as yourself—unfiltered, human, imperfect—you give your audience something precious. You give them permission to be real too.
It’s not about being careless. It’s about being the best version of yourself for the moment, without pretending to be someone else.
When I stopped performing and started showing up as me, my talks carried a different weight. They weren’t technically flawless, but they were alive.
4. The Gift of Vulnerability through Truth-Telling
There’s a difference between not lying and telling the truth.
The former is easy—you just avoid falsehoods. The latter requires courage—you allow yourself to be seen.
When I share my failures, when I tell the messy parts of my story, I sometimes feel exposed. But every time, people come up to me afterward and say, “That was exactly what I needed.”
That’s the gift of vulnerability. It’s saying, “Here I am, unpolished. Take what you need from my truth.”
And often, that’s the moment the real connection begins.
5. The Gift of Full Presence
When you’re not fully present, you’re performing. You’re distracted—thinking about how you look, how you sound, what comes next.
But when you’re fully present, your audience feels it. They know you’re there with them, in this moment, not rehearsing the past or worrying about the future.
Presence is a gift because it tells the audience: You matter enough for me to give you my full attention.
And in return, they give you theirs.
6. The Gift of Transformed Wisdom
There’s a difference between sharing what you’ve learned and sharing what you’ve become.
When I speak about selling goods as a child, I’m not just recalling a memory. I’m sharing something that shaped me—that became part of who I am. That’s why it resonates.
Facts can inform. Stories can inspire. But transformed wisdom—lessons that have become part of your being—can change lives.
That’s the ultimate gift: not passing on head knowledge, but offering the depth of lived experience.
7. The Gift of Openness through Humor
Humor is often treated like decoration in a speech, a way to make people smile before getting serious again. But humor is much more powerful than that.
When people laugh, their walls come down. Defenses melt. A shared moment of joy makes the room feel lighter, warmer, more open.
I’ve seen this countless times. When I tell a funny story from my childhood or poke fun at myself, the audience softens. And then—when the laughter fades—they’re ready to hear something deeper.
Humor isn’t just entertainment. It’s an act of generosity. It opens the heart so truth can enter.
8. The Gift of Sustained Engagement through Modular Storytelling
Have you ever noticed how the best talks feel like they’re made up of little chapters? One story closes, another begins, and you can’t help but lean in for the next.
That’s modular storytelling. Think of your talk in three-to-seven minute segments, each with its own arc. It’s like watching a series where every episode keeps you hooked for the next.
When you structure your talk this way, you’re not just dumping information. You’re giving the audience the gift of momentum—carrying them from one moment to the next without ever losing them.
It respects their attention and rewards it with rhythm.
9. The Gift of Adaptive Authenticity
Authenticity doesn’t mean stubbornly being the same in every setting. It means staying true to your core while adapting your expression to meet people where they are.
I like the image of a peach: soft on the outside, hard at the center. Your core is unchanging. But your surface—the way you speak, the stories you highlight, the tone you use—can adjust to fit the room.
When I speak to students, I use more humor and Taglish. When I speak to executives, I keep the same authenticity, but the style adapts. The gift is that no one feels left out.
Adaptive authenticity is generosity in practice. It says, “I value who you are, so I’ll meet you in your world without losing myself.”
10. The Gift of Service and Humility
At its best, speaking is never about the spotlight—it’s about service.
I’ve learned to ask, not “What do I need from this moment?” but “What does this moment need from me?”
Sometimes, it needs inspiration. Sometimes, clarity. Sometimes, a story that heals.
I’ve been surprised many times. Opportunities opened not because I pushed for them, but because I showed up ready to serve—whether that meant sweeping the floor, helping with logistics, or speaking when asked.
Humility multiplies your gifts. When you give without demanding, your words carry more weight.
11. The Gift of Recognition and Participation through Questions
Nothing wakes up a sleepy audience like a good question. Not a rhetorical one, not a trick one—but a real question that makes people stop and think.
When you ask, “How many of you have felt this way?” or “What would you do in this situation?” something shifts. Even if no one answers out loud, people engage inwardly.
They feel seen. They realize this isn’t a one-way speech—it’s a two-way exchange.
That’s a gift too: giving people the dignity of participation, instead of treating them as passive spectators.
12. The Gift of Clarity and Approachability through Self-Awareness
Self-awareness may sound like a personal trait, but it’s really a gift you give others.
I’ve had people tell me, “Jef, you’re speaking too fast,” or “You’re mumbling a little.” At first, it stung. But then I realized: if I don’t adjust, my message won’t land.
When you invite feedback and act on it, you’re not just improving yourself—you’re serving your audience. You’re making it easier for them to hear, see, and feel your gift.
Self-awareness is humility in action. It’s a way of clearing the path so your generosity gets through.
Not Everyone Will Take the Gift
Of course, not everyone will accept your gift. Some people won’t listen. Some will criticize. Some will close their hearts.
That’s okay.
When I was peddling dried fish, not everyone bought from me. I didn’t stop. I moved on to the next house, the next street, the next person who might be waiting for what I carried.
Speaking is the same. Don’t let rejection stop you. Keep giving. Somewhere out there, someone needs your next message.
My Next Step (and Invitation)
Over the next three months, I have three projects in motion. One of them is an online class on public speaking. I don’t know the exact format yet—how long, how frequent—but I do know one thing:
It won’t be about performance. It will be about gift-giving.
If this idea resonates with you, if you want to learn how to speak with generosity instead of fear, let me know. I’ll share the details soon.
Final Reflection
Public speaking turned my life around—not because I mastered performance, but because I embraced generosity.
Every time I step up to speak, I ask: What’s the gift I’m giving today?
Sometimes it’s clarity. Sometimes it’s courage. Sometimes it’s laughter. Sometimes it’s the truth of my own mess.
Whatever it is, I give it fully. And that’s what I invite you to do too.
Because at its heart, public speaking is not about the stage, the spotlight, or the applause.
It’s about giving.
So, what gift will you bring to your audience today?
