Personal values (pagpapahalaga) shape your daily choices, and when you don’t name them, you drift into habits that quietly wreck your goals, relationships, and peace. In this article, Jef Menguin shows how values drive behavior—and why they can either enslave or enable you. Clarify your top values and share this with your team so decisions get cleaner, conflict gets calmer, and life feels more intentional.
Marco was proud of his values.
He would say it without hesitation: excellence, integrity, family. He sounded like a good man because he was a good man.
But his calendar didn’t know that.
On Monday, he promised his daughter, “I’ll be home early.” On Tuesday, he stayed late to “fix just one more thing.” On Wednesday, his wife stopped asking.
He didn’t feel evil. He felt responsible.
That’s the trap.
When good values stay on the wall
Marco didn’t lack values. He lacked visibility.
His values lived in his head, but his habits lived in his day. When those two aren’t connected, you don’t become a villain. You become tired.
And when you get tired long enough, you start calling it normal.
The quiet contradiction
Here’s what Marco couldn’t see at first: his actions weren’t neutral.
Every “yes” to another revision was a “no” to dinner. Every “I’ll check this one last message” was a small betrayal of his own word. Not to his boss.
To himself.
Values don’t break in one big moment. They break in tiny, repeated choices.
What “pagpapahalaga” really means
In Tagalog, pagpapahalaga comes from the word halaga—meaning price and importance.
That’s not poetry. That’s reality.
Your values are what you’re willing to pay for with time, attention, and energy. So if you say you value family but you keep paying work with your best hours, work wins.
Not because you chose it once. Because you chose it daily.
Discover the Filipino values that shape how we work, lead, and live—beyond slogans and speeches. Get the Values Starter Kit. Read the series, choose one value to practice this week, and watch how small shifts create real change.
Decide your values before you decide your week
Most people plan their week like this: tasks first, values later.
So the week becomes a negotiation with everyone else’s urgency. The calendar fills up, and the values get pushed to “when things calm down.”
They rarely calm down.
Try this instead: name your values, then build decisions around them. Your values shouldn’t be a slogan. They should be a filter.
Values live in arenas, not in quotes
You don’t live one life. You live several, and each one pulls on you.
That’s why it helps to sort values into categories. Not to complicate things—but to see where the fights happen.
- Personal Values (who you want to be)
- Work Values (how you perform and contribute)
- Business Values (how you create and trade value)
- Family Values (how you love and show up)
- Ethical Values (what you won’t compromise)
- Social Values (how you treat people and community)
- Political Values (what you support in public life)
- Religious Values (what anchors your faith)
- Artistic Values (what you create and appreciate)
- Material Values (how you handle money and things)
Bookmark this page for I will write about each category. Each has its own “hard moments.” And the hard moments are where values become real.
Why Marco kept choosing the opposite
Marco wasn’t choosing against family. He was choosing for excellence.
He told himself, “I’m doing this for them.” That line is common—and sometimes it’s true. But it can also hide a deeper value: approval.
Excellence is good. But when excellence becomes perfection, it starts demanding sacrifices. The first sacrifice is rest.
The next sacrifice is relationships.
Values reveal themselves through emotions
You can often find a value by watching your strongest reactions.
When Marco received sloppy work, he felt anger. That was excellence talking. When someone suggested cutting corners, he felt disgust. That was integrity.
But when he missed bedtime again, he didn’t feel disgust.
He felt numb.
That wasn’t because family didn’t matter. It was because he had trained himself to ignore that pain so he could keep functioning.
The collision test
You don’t really know your values until two of them collide.
Excellence vs. Family. Integrity vs. Loyalty. Growth vs. Comfort. Service vs. Self-protection.
Marco’s collision happened every week, usually around 6:30 PM. That’s when a request would come in “urgent,” and he would feel the familiar pull: Be excellent. Be reliable. Be the guy who saves the day.
Then his daughter’s face would flash in his mind.
And he would still choose work.
Not because he didn’t love her. Because he didn’t have a rule.
A value without a behavior is just a word
Marco didn’t need a new list of values. He needed a translation.
A value becomes real when it becomes a visible action.
So he wrote three lines on a sticky note and placed it on his laptop:
Excellence: Ship one meaningful output daily. Don’t polish forever. Integrity: Don’t promise what you won’t do. Don’t hide behind “maybe.” Family: Two protected dinners a week. Phone away. Laptop closed.
These were not motivational quotes.
They were decisions in advance.
How to find your real values in 15 minutes
Do this without overthinking it.
First, answer one question: When was the last time you felt most alive? Describe the scene like a story—where you were, what you did, who benefited, what you were proud of.
Then answer another: When was the last time you felt disgusted with yourself? That moment usually shows a value you violated.
Now list ten values that you think you carry.
Cut it to five by asking: When these conflict, which one wins most of the time? That answer is your current operating system.
The “If-Then” move that makes values usable
Use this sentence to lock in a value as a practice:
If I value ______, then I will ______ this week.
Examples that people actually use:
If I value family, then I will protect two dinners—no meetings after 6 PM. If I value integrity, then I will say “no” faster instead of saying “yes” and resenting it. If I value excellence, then I will submit version one by Friday, not version perfect by next month.
Notice what this does.
It turns values into boundaries. And boundaries are what protect what matters.
What changed for Marco
Marco didn’t become less hardworking. He became more honest.
He stopped calling late nights “commitment” when they were really fear of judgment. He started shipping earlier and accepting “good enough” on low-stakes tasks.
Then he did something small but heavy.
He told his daughter, “I’ll be home at 6:30 on Thursday.” And he kept his word.
That night wasn’t magical.
It was quiet.
But he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time: alignment.
Your 24-hour challenge
Don’t make this a philosophy lesson.
Make it a decision.
Within the next 24 hours, write your top three values and finish this:
If I value ______, then I will ______ this week.
Pick one action you can’t “talk” your way out of.
Then share it with one person who knows you. Not to impress them—so you can’t hide.
Values don’t change your life when you admire them.
They change your life when you pay for them.
If you’re tired of knowing but not doing…
Let’s make one shift easier to live daily.
→ Shift Experiences
Pingback: 27 Filipino Values: Definitions, Examples, and Insights
Pingback: Don't just be better, be the only one. | Jef Menguin
Pingback: Where does leadership begin? | Jef Menguin
Pingback: Instead of Complaining, Make New Things Happen
Pingback: Bayanihan: When Ordinary Filipinos Become Heroes