I’ve spent most of my life speaking. To students in classrooms. To executives in boardrooms. To strangers in faraway places who later became friends. And here’s one truth that has become clearer the longer I’ve done this work:
Speaking is not about words. It’s not about techniques, slides, or the applause at the end.
Speaking is heart to heart.
I’ve learned this the hard way. Early in my career, I thought the measure of a good speech was how many “tips and tricks” I could pack into 30 minutes. I worked hard to be impressive, rehearsed every line, and tried to sound like the smartest person in the room. But you know what happened? People clapped politely—and forgot everything I said.
Later, when I stopped performing and started showing up—messy, human, vulnerable—something shifted. People didn’t just listen; they leaned in. They came to me afterward with tears in their eyes or laughter still ringing in their throats. They remembered the stories years later.
That’s when I understood: speaking is not about transferring information. It’s about creating a human connection that lingers long after the words are gone.
Here’s what I’ve learned about how to do that.
1. Create an Experience, Not Just a Message
Think about your favorite Netflix series. You don’t watch it because you need the information—it’s the experience, the emotion, the cliffhangers that pull you back.
That’s how I see a good talk. It’s not about how much content I deliver; it’s about what the audience feels.
Once, I gave a three-hour workshop for government leaders. At the end, someone came up to me and said, “Sir Jef, parang 30 minutes lang!” (It felt like only 30 minutes.) That was the best compliment I could receive—not because I fooled them about the clock, but because they were immersed in the experience.
If your listeners feel like time flew, you’ve spoken to their hearts. If they keep checking the clock, you’ve only spoken to their ears.
2. Pull People In Instead of Pushing Out
Too many speakers push their message out like a broadcaster. But the real magic happens when you pull people in.
I remember standing in front of 2,000 students at UPLB. At first, I was overwhelmed—thousands of faces staring back at me. But I told myself: don’t speak to 2,000. Speak to one.
So I began with a story as if I was sharing it with a friend over coffee. Slowly, the energy shifted. The students leaned forward. Laughter rippled, then silence deepened.
In that moment, it wasn’t me and 2,000 students. It was me and you. That closeness—that shrinking of distance—is the essence of heart-to-heart speaking.
3. Show Up As Your Authentic Self
Early in my career, I thought I had to copy great speakers. I imitated their hand gestures, borrowed their punchlines, even tried to mimic their voices. But the more I tried to sound like them, the less I sounded like me.
The turning point came when I realized: authenticity isn’t optional—it’s the whole point.
I’ve shared stages with pastors, CEOs, and comedians. Some are fiery, some are gentle, some are funny. The best ones are always the most themselves.
Authenticity doesn’t mean refusing to adapt. It means being you—the version of you that the room needs. When I speak to executives, I’m still Jef, but I adjust my language. When I speak to fishermen, I’m still Jef, but I shift my metaphors. I don’t change my core; I simply tune my expression.
When you’re real, people know. And when you fake it, they know that too.
4. Tell the Truth—Even When It Risks Rejection
Telling the truth is more than not lying. It’s letting people see you.
I remember writing drafts of one of my books. My editor told me, “Jef, I need more of you in this.” At first, I was offended. “But I already wrote this! These are my ideas!”
Then I read my drafts again. She was right. I had written safe words—polished, precise, but bloodless. They were designed to make me look smart.
When I rewrote from the gut—about failures, doubts, and small triumphs—the difference was palpable. People later told me, “That was so real. That was you.”
Every time I choose to tell the truth, even when I’m not sure how it will land, the connection deepens. Truth has a pulse.
5. Be Fully Present in the Moment
When you’re not fully present, you’re just performing.
I’ve been guilty of this. There were times when I was on stage but my mind was on the next story, the clock, or the reaction of a certain person in the crowd. That’s when I slipped into performance mode—delivering lines, not sharing life.
The shift came when I started practicing presence. Breathing before I step on stage. Looking into the eyes of the audience. Letting silence stretch when it needs to.
When I’m fully present, something happens: I stop trying to be impressive. I just am. And people respond not to my perfection but to my presence.
6. Speak From What You’ve Become
There’s a difference between sharing what you’ve learned and what you’ve become.
Anyone can recite facts. But when you speak from the wisdom that has shaped you, the words carry weight.
I’ve taught about urgency not just from books but from times I procrastinated and lost opportunities. I’ve spoken about bayanihan not just as a Filipino value but as something I lived when my community came together after a typhoon.
When your message comes from your becoming, it resonates. You don’t have to force it; it flows.
7. Use Humor to Open the Soul
Humor is one of the most sacred tools a speaker has.
I’ve seen a tense room melt because of a well-timed joke. I’ve seen laughter open hearts so wide that the next serious point hit like lightning.
Humor isn’t about being a comedian. It’s about reminding people of their shared humanity. When we laugh together, our defenses fall. And in that openness, truth sneaks in.
I often say: if you can make people laugh, you can make them listen.
8. Build Binge-Worthy Talks Through Modular Storytelling
I structure my talks like a series of short stories. Each one 3–7 minutes long. Each one ending just as another begins.
It’s the Netflix effect. You don’t give people one long lecture; you give them episodes they can’t stop watching.
This keeps the energy moving. It allows the audience to breathe, laugh, reflect, then lean in again.
The secret? Always close one loop while opening another. Curiosity keeps the heart engaged.
9. Practice Adaptive Authenticity
I call this being like a peach: soft on the outside, hard in the center.
At my core, I am Jef. That doesn’t change. But on the outside, I adapt to the room, the culture, the language.
When I speak to farmers in Laguna, I use stories about the land. When I speak to tech leaders in Manila, I use metaphors about innovation. Same Jef, different entry points.
Adaptive authenticity means you don’t compromise your essence. You simply make your heart accessible to theirs.
10. Choose Service Over Prestige
My first speaking opportunities didn’t come from ambition. They came from service.
I volunteered to help in small ways—organizing chairs, cleaning up, running errands. People saw my willingness to serve, and eventually, they trusted me with a microphone.
Even now, every time I speak, I ask: What does this moment need? Not what do I want from this moment?
When your heart posture is service, people feel it. And that’s when prestige follows—not because you chased it, but because you cared first.
11. Engage Through Questions
When an audience drifts, I don’t shout louder. I ask a question.
“Have you ever felt that?”
“Who here has experienced this?”
“Why do you think that happens?”
Questions pull people out of passivity. They invite reflection. They make individuals feel seen.
I’ve asked a question in a silent, stoic crowd and watched faces light up. It’s like opening a window in a stuffy room. Suddenly, air flows again.
12. Grow Self-Awareness Through Feedback
One of the greatest gifts I’ve received is honest feedback.
I once had a participant tell me, “Sir, you speak too fast.” At first, I dismissed it. But when three others said the same, I listened. They were right—I was racing.
That feedback changed me. Not overnight, but over time.
We can’t see ourselves clearly without mirrors. Community provides those mirrors. Feedback, even painful, helps us grow more human in our communication.
Speaking That Connects Forever
Speaking is not about delivering perfect lines. It’s not about applause or standing ovations.
It’s about connection.
When you speak heart to heart, people don’t just remember your words—they remember how you made them feel. They remember that for a moment, they were seen, understood, and valued.
Every time you step on a stage—or sit across a friend—you have this choice: will I perform, or will I connect?
Choose connection. Share not just your knowledge, but your self. Because in the end, it’s not speeches that change lives. It’s the hearts we touch along the way.
Jef Menguin
