Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all. Romans 12.6

A daily surrender is a daily discovery. This day, I discovered that I must not try to act important. I think that many of you will find this principle acceptable. I believe that most of us like to be with people who are approachable. We like to be with people who will not make us feel inferior.

Now, I realized that many techniques and principles I have heard from seminar speakers, lecturers, and life coaches need reexamination. I am now thinking of the communication, leadership, and success books that I’ve read. And also of those students who were in my classroom for the last 15 years. I must have passed on to them the lessons I’ve learned from the experts of this world.

I am thinking of three of the techniques I found in 90 percent of the books I read. These are the same principles I heard from success, leadership, and communication experts.

1. Fake It ‘Til You Make It. Someone who dreams to become a champion speaker, charismatic leader, or a big boss needs to act as if he is already in the role. I was taught that doing so every day, one day I will find myself already in the role. I have heard this principle from many life coaches, pyschology experts, and even from distinguised speakers. Nine of ten books I read preached the same.

I also taught this principle when I was a high school debate coach. But I was bothered. I thought that someone who keeps on faking will end up as a big fake. The most unconvincing speakers are those who are trying hard to convince me that they are convincing speakers. Three years ago, I was listening to a speaker teaching us this principle. She was not able to convince me. She was faking all the time.

Why experts keep on saying this lie? Why many intelligent people believe this lie? often, the same experts who teach us to fake it til we make it also teach principled techniques. They also say that we must be authentic, genuine, and sincere in all our communications. People love an authentic leader. People love authentic success. And we agree with that.

2. Fly with Birds of Fine Feathers. I was taught that birds of a feather flock together.That eagles fly with eagles. And if I were to follow the principle above, someone who wants to be an successful must be with successful people. One leadership guru even said that you must be the dumbest person in the room to be a great leader.

I realized that most of us will find this technique acceptable. There is nothing wrong with choosing the right people. Godly persons want to be with godly community of people. Those who want to be successful must brush elbows with successful people. We have to be with special people to be special.

A year ago, I attended an MLM business meeting. I heard the speaker said that we must avoid losers and speak only with like minded individuals. He said that the world has full of negative thinkers who don’t want us to be successful. He suggested to everyone that they should refrain from talking with their wife and friends about the business opportunity until the next meeting. Of course, that was not the first time I heard about that teaching. I have listened to dozen of tapes which said that we must avoid losers of this world. And for them, ordinary people are losers.

Label is libel. Ordinary people are not losers. And we do not become special simply because we and our cult of believers think we are.

Also, I was told that to be successful I must dress one or two levels above my audience because most successful speakers do. I interviewed speakers, salespersons, and company executives, and true enough they told me that they feel very confident when they wear expensive suits. They feel like they become different persons. Their vocabulary, their gestures, and even the size of their smiles change.

But they come back to their own selves when they are in their t-shirts.

One time I was conducting a workshop on Speaking with Confidence. I was told that I did not get a perfect evaluation because I was not dressed like a professional speaker, specifically that I did not wear a dress two levels above my audience. I did not blame them. One week before my session, they had a one week training with Fake-It-Til-You-Make-It school. That evaluation did not bother me.

They also invited me for another session.

I have a simple rule. I wear dress not to show off. I wear one that will bring comfort to my body without disrespecting the taste of my audience. My aim is always to be one with them. And I don’t want to put an armor that shows I am superior to them.

3. Improvise When You Don’t Know the Answer. Experts say that when asked of a question, you could improvise. When you don’t know the answer to a question, create stories. People will not know that you do not know.

Wrong. I was teaching in a high school classroom for nine years. Students know when you do not know. Maybe, you can lie for a day, but they’ll find it out the next day. And they will start doubting you.

During a workshop, a manager said that he does not like to exchange ideas with his subordinates. He said that they are more intelligent than him. He did not want them to find out. I told the manager that he was not alone. Many leaders think that they are supposed to know everything.

It is important that we know everything about our job. But that is not always possible. So, we hire other people who can help solve our problems. People will not think less of you because you did not know everything. You don’t have to lie.

I am happy to discover news ways of living life today.

We must live in harmony with people. We are like instruments in an orchestra. We create beautiful music when we play in harmony. True, we will meet “difficult people” and “losers”. It is equally true that others will think of you as the “difficult person” or a “loser”. But everyone has a story. Bless every person we meet. Be more compassionate and understanding. Eventually, you will find that difficult people are persons who are facing difficulties.

We enjoy the company of ordinary people.  We are with them everyday. I imagine that we will not live a happy life by ignoring the fact that we can enjoy and share our lives with ordinary people. Listen to them. Know more about them. Love them. And we will discover why the people we love we do not consider ordinary anymore.

We must accept that we do not know everything. This will simplify our life. This will make us accept ourselves. This also implies that we must accept “ordinary” people who do not know everything. But remember, ordinary people know something that our education and our experiences did not give us.

Jef Menguin

p.s. Please write your thoughts below. I want to know also what you think. Please share your experiences with ordinary people.

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